Wednesday, December 29, 2010

You might not feel what i feel...
You might take me totally just as a friend…
But you have to know..
You have to know how I feel truly..
You have to be told about how I feel deep inside my heart..
I actually have fallen in love with you…
I actually really feel that you’re the one..
But I think you won’t care..
I think you would never feel the same…
I think you would think that all this are just a joke..
Or you might think that I would get over this feeling just as you count the days..
But even I don’t know when will I get over you…
Even I don’t know when will I start to take you as a friend only 100%..
You might not care about me..
But I really do care for you A LOT…
You might never think about me…
But I never stop remembering about you ALL THE TIME..
And now even the fireworks can’t totally cheer me up…
Being alone by the pool doesn’t help me anymore..
And now, maybe you’re having fun and being happy with the one you love..
While I type this thing over the sea…
I know I should never avoid you…
Cuz however you’re still a friend of mine…
But sorry….
I don’t know until when can I stand this…
I’m not strong enough to see you while knowing that you have no special feelings towards me…
I’ve drank and drank and drank…
But even when I got drunk, I still can’t let myself forget about you…
I know this is not your fault…
This is my own fault by falling in love with you…
The person who I haven’t known for too long…
But somehow I feel you’re the one…
I feel like you’re the person who’s gonna love me truly..
From the deepest part of your heart..
But I guess I’m wrong..
I guess you’re not the one..
I guess you won’t be the one who loves me truly…
And now I think a lot…
About my “love life”…
And I realizes, maybe I’m rejected because I’m so unimportant for everyone…
Maybe I’m rejected because people never need me truly…
Maybe I don’t deserved to be loved…
Well..
They’re just maybe’s..
But sometimes, those maybe’s can be right..
Those maybe’s might be the fact…
To be honest, I’m afraid they’re the facts…
I’m afraid those maybe’s are right…
But I afraid more for knowing that you’re not the one..
I’m more afraid when I imagine you’ll walk in front of me with other girl that you love more…
So what should I do now??
I really don’t have any idea..
Can anyone tell me???

Friday, December 24, 2010

simple writing about my complicated mind.

i might have written hundreds and hundreds of love poems...
and i know it sounds weird when i say those things to many different people..
makes me sounds like i can fall in love so easily...
but i don't care about it..
cuz this blog was made so i can pour out my feelings in the form of words..

like now,when i feel so rejected,so useless,so unimportant..
especially for that guy..

maybe people say that i should make myself think that it's his loss..not mine..
but somehow i feel unwanted now..
i feel like i might don't deserved to be loved...
and i still can't believe that i'm that bad and useless that no one had ever loved me truly..
and when i think i've found someone that could love me truly,,
he didn't even love me..
he just takes me as a friend..
nothing else..

now there's millions of questions that i want to ask to the Almighty..
cuz even though i know He always gives everyone the best that they need, not what they want,
but still, i can't really see His plan for me now..
i'm totally lost in my own life..
not knowing what to do next..
especially when i see that this guy is actually preferred my best friend instead of me..
i'm not sure anymore about what to do..
should i keep struggling and try to get him?
or should i let go, back off, and stop all this?

God,
if You're really there, all i want for this Christmas is just an answer for all of this..
i won't deny that i want him to love me truly..
but if it's just not the way You want it,
please Lord, let me know why and what should i do...
cuz i'm tired enough of being so lost in my own life..