I used to be so desperate for a boyfriend

Used to believe everything that was said by those men

But all the lies, the heartbreaks and all those cheating I've been through,

Gave me better eyes and feelings to know which are fake, which are true

My heart became numb towards them after a while

Thinking nobody and nothing could make me live my life

I shut new people out, keep my distance with even my loved ones,

Tried to make an invisible wall that was impossible to fall

I thought my wall was concrete

I thought no more hole was on it

But I don't know what you do

You somehow break it through

You found that smallest hole in my surrounding wall

And through that hole you break it all

You made me weak, touched me into my soul

Thought I'm hopeless, can't move, yet you helped me roll

You gave me new spirit to live, you give me chance to rise

When life is killing me, you heal me from the inside

You made me trust you, believe that love still exists

They might be hard to be seen, but I know yours is real.

This is (not) Our Goodbye

The light of the sky-flowers just passed,
People are still clinking their glass
The shouts and sounds of trumpets just dropped,
The joy are freshly felt around the world.

But here we let our heads bow down,
staying in our our rooms, doesn't do around.
Hugging ourselves, wiping our tears,
while people outside saying Happy New Year.

I know I promise not to stop fighting.
But we can't force what we want for everything.
Even though we might have to go separate ways this time,
But I believe when it is right, we will unite.
So no matter how hard, no matter how tough
We should never give up for the sake of our love.

Hey you..
I'm sorry I've got to do it this way...I might seem so selfish, might seem like I'm such a coward..
But don't hate me bcs I just wanted our last day being together to be nice and memorable for you..and I can't say it face-to-face bcs I know I'll retreat and stop myself from leaving..
I know I will regret this decision...I know I'll fall to a very very deep hole...but it would be a thousand times better than seeing you suffer,hurt,or even just having more bad times than what you actually deserve..
I'm sorry for lying in your face in the car..saying that I won't go away and we're just gonna lose the status...I know you won't agree with my decision..but please trust me when I say that THIS IS NOT bcs I don't love u...but it's bcs I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH to be an obstacle for you...your mom might be right..I AM a bad influence for you...even when I don't do it directly by doing bad stuff that u might copy, but with me, you can't focus most of the time..everytime my sickness kick in,we fight,and it'll end up with you crying and just can't focus with anything...
As people say, there's always goodbyes after hellos..and I guess this is our time to say bye...it seemed like a very short encounter between us...but I honestly say that this has been the best relationship I've ever been..and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I do...but I won't blame you anyway if you wanted to hate me...cuz maybe I deserve it...
Anyway,thank you for being the most perfect lover...for being an awesome guy..for being someone that completes me 100%...
I might not be the right person for you, but trust me when I say I love you even more than my life..
I'm sorry the last day must be filled by lies..but all the things about my feelings towards you,all my love for you,it's all true...
I hope you'll have a better future without me....a future that you deserve, a future that would be filled with all the best things in life...and remember that you promised me, whatever happens, you'll never change and you'll still be the same YOU I've always known....
I LOVED YOU, I LOVE YOU, AND I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.. *sounds cheesy,I know..but even if one day I marry someone other than you,trust me that you've owned my heart.. :')

30 people

Can you name 30 people you can think of right off the top of your head? Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 30 people. No cheating!

1. batak
2. agai
3. SJ
4. SB
5. kaki
6. elysa
7. prisca
8. dani
9. dad
10. mom
11. stefi
12. keti
13. mokmok
14. felix
15. rico
16. ko DC
17. tiff
18. adhit
19. gope
20. keket
21. rampang
22. ponnie
23. vee
24. fiona
25. nita
26. amira
27. ka eigo
28. ka vicky
29. wiedhy
30. mandha

THE QUESTIONS:
• How did you meet 10?
- ARLENE took me to his class. :D

• What would you do if you had never met 6?
- i won't ever come to any class during semester 1 and 2

• What would you do if 5 and 15 dated?
- OMAGAH! SERIOUSLY?! JINJJA?!

• If you could marry between 6 and 14 who will it be?
- errr..... none?

• Did you ever like 26?
- yes~! :P

• Have you ever seen 4 cry?
- nope. hahahaha.

• Would 4 and 27 make a good couple?
- OF COURSE NOT!

• Would number 22 and 2 make a good couple?
- err... no? :P

• Describe 8:
- awesome guitarist, funny, an awesome friend, DAEBAK~!

• Do you like 12?
- as my sister? HELL YEAH!

• Tell me something about 17:
- she has a super straight and grumpy look.

• What's 7's favorite color?
- err... not sure..

• What would you do if 1 just confessed they liked you?
- I'll laugh so hard and 100% sure that he's joking.

• When was the last time you talked to number 15?
- last week-ish?

• How do you think 19 feels about you?
- I'm a great friend. B) right, gop?

• What languages does 13 speak?
- aigoo... korean, english, indo?

• Who is 2 going out with?:
- ME! *MODUS!

• What grade is 16 in?
- he graduated recently! YEAY!
• What is 2's favorite songs now?
- i'm not sure... >_<

• Would you ever date 3?
- haha. what a coincidence... *i mean the question. :')

• Is 11 single?
- yes?

• What is 10s last name?
- Laluw :)

• Would you ever want to be in a serious relationship with 18?
- no.

• Where does 23 live?
- errr......

• What do you think about 20?
- awesome friend. awesome mom. awesome!

• What is the best thing about 4?
- he's super duper funny

• Is 21 hard-working?
- yes?

• What would you like to tell 14 right now?
- i cried again lix... :(

• How did you meet 9?
- again, ARLENE took me to his class.

• What is the best and worst thing about 2?
- best : such a great person who always supports you to do good things and prevent you to do bad things.
- worst : too much work that makes him ignorant of his own health. >:(

• Are you going to know 3 forever?
- probably. but i don't think so...

• How long have you known 26?
- errr.... 4 months?

• Who is 24?
- my "jerapo-bebeb" :p

• Are you or did you ever date 28?
- nope.

• Do you have a crush on 27?
- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

• Would you kiss 25?
- aniyoooo!!!!!!

• Have you hugged/kissed 22?
- yes ;;)

• Is 29 your bff?
- just a good friend of mine :)

• What do you hate about 23?
- i haven't found any. :D

• What's your relationship with 30?
- a good friend :)

a new lesson about love. FOR ME.

love.

what is love?

love sometimes doesn't come from the outside.

sometimes love doesn't always mean relationships between a girl and a guy.

sometimes even love doesn't come from your parents.

but there are things that are certain about love.

love gives happiness.

love gives you supports.

love gives you passion.

love gives your dark world a light that shines like the sun never stop shining the world.

and if you think deeper,

you need people around you to give you love.

but that's not the only source where you can get love.

the main source you can get love is always there for you ALL THE TIME.

the main source you can get love is actually REALLY REALLY CLOSE with you.

because the main source of love for you is YOURSELF!

when you love yourself deeply,

when you love yourself purely,

when you love yourself a 100%,

then other people will definitely love you eventually.

inspired by TAEYANG a.k.a SOL a.k.a YB oppa :3

There would always be time when a guy says to himself,

“I NEED A GIRL, who would take care of me”

“Include me in her PRAYER every night”

“a girl who would LOOK ONLY AT ME and no one else”

And I know that you know,

A million girls would do those wishes just for you

I know this is such a huge and impossible dream,

To wish that you could know who I am

To wish that you would even notice who I am.

To wish that one day you’ll say “this is MY GIRL”

I might not know WHERE U AT right now

Or what are you doing now.

But I’ve been paying attention to you

Even when you don’t even know who I am

And I’LL BE THERE if you need me one day

This simple poem I made is just another way

A simple way for you just to notice me

Cuz I never imagine that I would be your bride

And wear that WEDDING DRESS we picked together

For me, just knowing that you notice me, know who I am,

That would make my world seems brighter and better.

People say love at first sight doesn’t exist

I used to believe them

But then I saw you in a very dull day

And all in a sudden my day feels better

I didn’t know what does it means

I didn’t realize that you’re the one who made my day

I wasn’t planning to fall for you

But I can’t lie to myself either

You fill my heart and mind since then

You stay in my dreams every time I sleep

You make my days even when I just see you from a distance

And then I know that since then,

I have fallen deeply in love with you

you were one of the most important person in my life
and i was also one of them in yours too
but i decided to leave and forget
leave from your life and forget about us

2 years later,
i thought i forgot and moved on from you
then you showed up out of the air
and i realized, i never truly forget
and worst, i always keep inside my heart that i regret..
regret everything i said, everything i did to you..

now you're single but not available you say
and you say since then you take me as a sister
but please i wanna say the truth about my feelings
that i truly miss and love you since then
and it hasn't changed until this very second..

will you ever give me a second chance?
will you trust that i'm capable and much more mature now?
will you love me back as you did back then?

you came at the most unexpected time

and your entrance was so surprising 

that even yourself didn't see it coming

and you made me feel that everything is so right

you impressed me

you impressed my family

but after all the fineness you showed,

you made me fall from such height

that fall doesn't killed me

but it makes me injured so bad

maybe physically i look so fine

i look like nothing really happened

i smile, i laughed, i fool around like i usually am

but deep inside in my heart i'm dying

i cry, i scream, i'm so badly torn

my brain told me to stop

told me to let you go

told me to find someone who really sees how worthy i am

but my heart can't lie

it has fallen into you

fallen too deeply that it can't find it's way back to the surface

easy to fall for a person.

yeap. that's me.

and i kinda hate that part of me.

it makes me fall for you,

even though i don't know you that well.

there are actually lots of difference that i should have thought before.

you're a lot older than me.

and the worst,

you've found your "soulmate" and marry her.

even though i don't really know your relationship with her now.

but to be honest, i'm afraid.

afraid of falling in love with you.

afraid you've been lying to me about her.

afraid all that i thought about you are wrong.

and if i was wrong,

it means i'm repeating my own mistake.

and i don't want that.

on the other side,

i can't lie that i've fallen for you.

i can't lie that i feel very comfortable with you.

and i can't lie that i actually don't want to lose you.

at least for now.

the busy big road and the simple small alley

here in this city lots of roads i can find

there are big boulevards that are neatly made

but other than that there are alleys too

alleys that are small and messy

the big roads might seemed secure and safe

but those roads are usually too crowded and it makes it stuck

while the alleys are small and unexpectedly smooth

because not many people know where it goes and are familiar with it

just like you are

you might be messy, unorganized and seemed like nothing

but for people that already knew you,

you have your own special value

and now i realized that i've found it

and it makes you be that dead end alley that i can't turn back from

always does, always will

my mind might says no...

but my heart always says yes..

my friends might forbid me to love you..

but i won't even bother to listen to any of their sayings..

the whole world might scold me

all people i know might leave me alone

but it doesn't matter for me

and you might be wondering and ask me why

so let me answer your question..

that's because i want no one but you

i need no one but you

having you in my life is all i ever wanted

i love you more than i've ever loved anyone else..

and i want you to stay for my whole life..

cuz you are my love..

always does, always will..

people ask when will i stop loving

i answer them without thinking

i will stop when the sun stops shining..

i will stop when the earth stop spinning..

dilemmatic letter for you..

a part of my heart says i should always be with you..

another part of me says i should stay away and listen to my friends..

you said i should listen to my heart and stop listening to the others..

you said i should follow my heart cuz it never lies..

but how can i follow it if i can't even hear it..

how can i decide when my heart is having a dilemma too..

i don't want to leave you..

but i can't stand this anymore..

i want to stand by you through this..

but i don't know when will my logics start to work..

and i know if it works,and you're not healed yet,

it means i won't be there for you anymore..

i'm sorry i can't fulfill my promises to you,

to always be with you in your hardest time..

i know i'm not a good girlfriend if i do that..

i'm mean and i don't deserve you..

but i can't handle this anymore..

dear RJ..

hey J..

how are you up there??

it's been 2 years now since we last met you here...

we all really miss you..

and personally, i still can't erase the memories i've had with you...

the fun things we've done together,

the ways you've done to cheer me up everytime i have problems,

and all the stuffs you've done for me...

even though i'm fine now, but still, i miss the jokes you've made and all the silly stuffs you've done...

well, i know that we weren't supposed to be sad right now cuz you're happy now..

but i bet you know how it feels to miss someone, especially when you know you won't see them anymore...

anyways, i believe that you're now watching us from up there..guarding each and every one of your best friends from the heaven..

we love you J...

this version of Wedding Dress (which was originally sang by Tae Yang) really sounds like the voice of my heart...it's saying the words that i want to say...

even though he's not married yet, but this is how i would feel when he gets married one day...

i really wish that i could get my second chance...

well anyways, here's a video from a youtube account called babyjennuine..hope she doesn't mind that i copied her video url and pasted it here..enjoy.. :)

url : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zh6fNiJS4xc&feature=related

Lyrics:

Should of never let you go
Should of told you how I felt
should of never let my pride get in our way
Should of kept you by my side
when I, I had the chance
But I let you slip away
My worst mistake was on that day
And it's been five years
since the day we grew apart
Though we have someone new
my heart just won't let go of you
And now it's too late
cause I'm tryna turn the pages back
when you're just skipping ahead of our story

baby do you still have a place in your heart for me
cause i've been thinking lately
that you're the one that makes my heart complete
and i don't wanna see you down the aisle with nobody else but me
Even though she's walking through that door
with my dreams and taking my place
with that wedding dress (dress dress)
in my wedding dress (dress dress)
with that wedding dress (dress dress)
in my wedding dress (dress dress)
in my wedding dress..

Baby just stop for a moment
Baby look into my eyes
Can't you see the lies behind this smile of mine
though I said congratulations
I I'm happy for you
Can't you see this love was only made just for you and I
Everytime that I try
something keeps pulling me back
From telling you the truth
That I never moved on from you
And now it's too late
Cause I'm still stuck here in our past
while you're moving ahead with your story

here comes the bride
all dressed in white
and it's a damn shame the bride isn't me

Happily ever after
that's how all fairytale ends with
So why am I with the crowd
Watching you devote your life
but not with me

Wedding Dress - Tae Yang

니가 그와 다투고
niga geuwa datugo
때론 그 땜에 울고
ttaeron geu ttaeme ulgo
힘들어 할 때면 난 희망을 느끼고
himdeureo hal ttaemyeon nan huimangeul neukkigo
아무도 모르게 맘 아-아-아프고
amudo moreuge mam a-a-apeugo
니작은 미소면 또 담담해지고
nijageun misomyeon tto damdamhaejigo

니가 혹시나 내 마음을 알게 될까봐
niga hoksina nae maeumeul alge doelkkabwa
알아버리면 우리 멀어지게 될까봐
arabeorimyeon uri meoreojige doelkkabwa
난 숨을 죽여
nan sumeul jug yeo
또 입술을 깨물어
tto ipsureul kkaemureo
제발 그를 떠나 내게 오길
jebal geureul tteona naege ogil

Baby 제발 그의 손을 잡지마
Baby jebal geuui soneul japjima
Cuz you should be my Lady
오랜 시간 기다려온 날 돌아봐줘
oraen sigan gidaryeo on nal dorabwajwo

노래가 울리면 이제 너는
noraega ullimyeon ije neoneun
그와 평생을 함께하죠
geuwa pyeongsaengeul hamkkehajyo
오늘이 오지 않기를
oneuri oji ankireul
그렇게 나 매일 밤 기도했는데
geureoke na maeil bam gidohaenneunde

네가 입은 웨딩드레스
nega ibeun wedingdeureseu
네가 입은 웨딩드레스
nega ibeun wedingdeureseu
네가 입은 웨딩드레스
nega ibeun wedingdeureseu

내 맘을 몰라줬던
nae mameul mollajwotdeon
네가 너무 미워서
nega neomu miwoseo
가끔은 네가 불행하길 난 바랬어
gakkeumeun nega bulhaenghagil nan baraesseo
이미 내 눈물은 다 마 마 마르고
imi nae nunmureun da ma ma mareugo
버릇처럼 혼자 너에게 말하고
beoreutcheoreom honja neoege malhago

매일 밤 그렇게 불안했던걸 보면 난
maeil bam geureoke buranhaetdeongeol bomyeon nan
이렇게 될꺼란 건 알았는지도 몰라
ireoke doelkkeoran geon aranneunjido molla
난 눈을 감아
nan nuneul gama
끝이 없는 꿈을 꿔
kkeuchi eomneun kkumeul kkwo
제발 그를 떠나 내게 오길
jebal geureul tteona naege ogil

Baby 제발 그의 손을 잡지마
Baby jebal geuui soneul japjima
Cuz you should be my Lady
오랜 시간 기다려온 날 돌아봐줘
oraen sigan gidaryeo on nal dorabwajwo

노래가 울리면 이제 너는
noraega ullimyeon ije neoneun
그와 평생을 함께하죠
geuwa pyeongsaengeul hamkkehajyo
오늘이 오지 않기를
oneuri oji ankireul
그렇게 나 매일 밤 기도했는데
geureoke na maeil bam gidohaenneunde

네가 입은 웨딩드레스
nega ibeun wedingdeureseu
네가 입은 웨딩드레스
nega ibeun wedingdeureseu
네가 입은 웨딩드레스
nega ibeun wedingdeureseu

부디 그와 행복해
budi geuwa haengbokhae
너를 잊을 수 있게
neoreul ijeul su itge
내 초라했던 모습들은 다 잊어줘
nae chorahaetdeon moseupdeureun da ijeojwo
비록 한동안은
birok handonganeun
 no oh
나 죽을 만큼 힘이 들겠지만
na jugeul mankeum himi deulgetjiman no oh

너무 오랜 시간을 착각 속에
neomu oraen siganeul chakgak soge
홀로 바보처럼 살았죠
hollo babocheoreom saratjyo
아직도 내 그녀는 날 보고
ajikdo nae geunyeoneun nal bogo
새 하얗게 웃고 있는데
sae hayake utgo inneunde

네가 입은 웨딩드레스
nega ibeun wedingdeureseu
네가 입은 웨딩드레스
nega ibeun wedingdeureseu
네가 입은 웨딩드레스
nega ibeun wedingdeureseu

TRANSLATIONS

I would argue
Then you would cry
As you’re struggling, I would only get stronger
My heartaches behind these shadows
My face brightens up as I see your smile
I worry that you might notice my feelings
And I get scared that the gap between us would widen
I hold my breath
Then I bite my lips
Then I pray that she would leave his side.

Baby, please don’t hold those hands
Cuz you should be my lady
Please look at me, I’ve been waiting all this time.

Once the music ends, you’ll be with him forever
I prayed and prayed that this day wouldn’t come
The wedding dress you once wore
The wedding dress you once wore
The wedding dress you once wore

You, who never understood my feelings
Because of that, I ended up despising you
Then I wished a misfortune upon you
But now, my eyes are dry
I try to talk to you but I realized that I’m alone
Every night, I would look back and think
If I already knew the results
Then I close my eyes
Then I dream an endless dream
Then I pray she would leave his side.

Baby, please don’t hold those hands
Cuz you should be my lady
Please look at me, I’ve been waiting all this time.

Once the music ends, you’ll be with him forever
I prayed and prayed that this day wouldn’t come
The wedding dress you once wore
The wedding dress you once wore
The wedding dress you once wore

By all means, be happy with him
So I can move on
Please erase me out of your heart
Although I tried my best but, no oh~

I’ve been living the lies for too long
Yet, she would look at me and smile.

Who You Are - Jessie J

I stare at my reflection in the mirror:
"Why am I doing this to myself?"
Losing my mind on a tiny error,
I nearly left the real me on the shelf.
No, no, no, no, no...

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are!
(who you are [x11])

Brushing my hair, do I look perfect?
I forgot what to do to fit the mold, yeah!
The more I try the less it's working, yeah
'Cause everything inside me screams
No, no, no, no, no...

Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.
But tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
There's nothing wrong with who you are!

Yes, no's, egos, fake shows, like WHOA!
Just go, and leave me alone!
Real talk, real life, good love, goodnight,
With a smile, that's my home!
That's my home, no...

No, no, no, no, no...
Don't lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay...
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are!
Yeah yeah yeah

at the beginning, no one would ever guess that he could change my heart.

and so do i.

we knew each other for a very long time, but never thought of being a couple.

at the beginning, i was so afraid of falling in love, flying so high, and being dropped from such a height.

but in 2 short weeks he changed it all.

he melted my cold heart and fill it with the warmth from his love.

he succeeded to make me love someone truly again.

maybe this will sound so cheesy and stuff,

but now i feel that my heart is healed.

my heart is fully recovered and my other part of wings is found.

and now, i reached the part where i'm afraid to lose him.

the part where people start to say that i'm stupid and i still do it for him.

and if you read this, babe i just want you to know that i really do love you..

i might not show it directly, but you are my life now.

you are the air that i breathe, the sun of my world, and the last person who i want to love.

you came into my life

out of nowhere you just showed up

you were a friend to me,

but now you're a lot more than that.

you might not be perfect for the world,

but you are perfect to me..

well i hope it's not for these times only..

cuz i'm glad i found you..

you are my love now..

and i hope it'll last forever..

cuz true love doesn't have happy endings,

it simply never ends...

One Man (Han Namja)- Kim Jong Kook + translation

참 오래됐나봐 이 말조차 무색할 만큼
니 눈빛만 봐도 널 훤히 다 아는
니 친구처럼 너의 그림자 처럼

늘 함께 했나봐 니가 힘들때나 슬플때
외로워 할때도 더 이별 안고서
아파할때도 니 눈물 닦아줄

한남자가 있어 널 너무 사랑한
한남자가 있어 사랑해 말도 못하는
니 곁에 손 내밀며 꼭 닿을거리에
자신보다 아끼는 널 같이 내가 있어

너를 웃게 하는 일 마치 그것만 생각하고
언제어디서나 너를 바라보고 널 그리워 하고 니 걱정만 하는

한남자가 있어 널 너무 사랑한
한남자가 있어 사랑해 말도 못하는
니 곁에 손 내밀며 꼭 다을거리에
자신보다 아끼는 널 같이 내가 있어

천번쯤 삼키고 또 만번쯤 추스려 보지만
말하고 싶어 미칠것 같은데 널 와락 난 안고 싶은데

한여자가있어 이런날 모르는
사랑받으면서 사랑인줄 도 모르는
나만큼 꼭 바보같은 슬픈 널 두고
이순간도 눈물이 나지만 행복한걸
니가 곁에 있기 때문이야

Translation

It must've been a long time. Long enough for these words to become colorless.
Even if I just see your eyes, I know everything,
Like your friend, like your shadow.

We must've been together always. When you're having hard time and you are sad,
even when you're lonley. Holding onto seperation a bit longer,
Even when I'm hurting to wipe away your tears..

There's a man. Who loves you so much.
There's a man. Who can't even say I love you.
By your side I put my hand out and
at a path were you can always reach me
I, who cherishes you more than myself, am with you.

To make you laugh, I think of only that and
When and where ever you are I'm watching you and missing you.
And who worries of only you,

There's a man. Who loves you so much.
There's a man. Who can't even say I love you.
By your side I put my hand out and
at a path were you can always reach me
I, who cherishes you more than myeslf, am with you.

For the thousandth time I swallow and again for ten thousandth time I try to set